Nearing holiday season, Americans weigh family estrangement

The end-of-year holiday season beginning the week of Thanksgiving and running through New Year’s often prompts reflection in a lot of Americans. Normally a time of families coming together, the holiday season can also surface emotional wounds for those who are estranged from family members, friends, and other close relations. Especially coming off the tails of another election season, new rifts in relationships may emerge in the weeks between Election Day and Thanksgiving. The Harris Poll recently surveyed a representative sample of Americans to investigate how widespread familial estrangement is in addition to its leading causes. Below are some key findings.

Estrangement is not uncommon.

About half of US adults are currently estranged from at least one close relation (i.e., family member or friend). Of those, 35% report being estranged from an immediate family member such as a parent or a sibling. A third (34%) report being estranged from an extended family member such as a grandparent or cousin. A quarter (27%) say the same for a member of their chosen family (e.g. close friend, family connection).

Cutting ties is typically a 1:1 process, not a family affair. People tend to look for ways to limit their interactions with their estranged relation rather than force themselves or the other person to isolate from shared connections.

Most (80%) folks with estranged relations limit their direct interactions with the person, with two-third (68%) ending personal communication, 58% stopping communications from their end, and 35% ignoring the outreach from the other end. About half (47%) prevent personal communication, such as blocking or unfollowing on social media (34%) or restricting communication channels (30%) like deleting phone numbers or blocking emails.

Fewer (56%) limit their interactions with others beyond the estranged relation. A third (36%) avoid family gatherings, a quarter (26%) limit communication with non-estranged relatives, and a fifth (21%) exclude estranged relatives from family gatherings.

 Actions, more often than ideology, drive relatives apart.

Those estranged from a relative most often cite interactions with family members as the root cause. Two in five (41%) say they estrangement occurred due to a specific action taken by the relative, and fewer (9%) cite a specific action taken personally. Another two in five (39%) cite family dynamics as the root cause.

Still, 42% of U.S. adults, including 61% of those who are currently estranged due to political beliefs, at least somewhat agree that politics is the largest cause of estrangement within families.

Actions may also bring those driven apart by political differences back together.

Four in 10 Americans who are estranged from a relative due to political differences at least somewhat agree that family members should do everything in their power to reconnect (39%, vs 48% of all U.S. adults). Indeed, most (56%) have a desire to do so, but fewer (41%) see a path forward that makes it likely for them to reconnect.

Apologizing may help: more than half (55%) of those who are estranged from a relative due to political differences would be more open to connecting if they received an apology. Other possible avenues for reconnection include: the relative demonstrating change (50%), the relative claiming to have changed (34%), and the two parties developing more aligned beliefs (31%).

The upcoming holiday season is unlikely to rebuild bridges, but it may not tear them down either.

Only 30% of those who are currently estranged from a relative due to political differences would be more open to connecting as a sentimental time approaches. A third of Americans at least somewhat agree that they’ve felt uncomfortable at a family gathering due to a relative’s political beliefs (36% agree, including 13% who strongly agree).This at least doubles among those who are currently estranged from a relative due to political differences (72%, including 41% who strongly agree).

A third (33%, including 14% strongly) agree that opposing political beliefs will negatively impact the upcoming holidays. That number is higher (57%, 31% strongly) who are already estranged due to political differences.

This survey was conducted online in the United States by The Harris Poll from November 8, 2024 to November 11, 2024 among 1,068 US adults, aged 18+. Figures were weighted where necessary to align with actual proportions within the population. For additional information, please contact The Harris Poll.